I'm recovering from last week's trauma. Believe it or not, my husband and I have still been feeling the stress after witnessing my siblings' vicious verbal assault on my mother. Ted and I are both distracted during our daily activities. We are forgetting things. Time and again, he mentions something about that harangue. Our bodies are reacting to the stress as well. I've had frequent bouts of tachycardia (a rapid heart beat) and mild chest pain. I do have a mild heart condition, so I'm taking it easy.
As we heal from the physical effects of this event, Ted and I have a running conversation about it. We agree that, at this point, we will avoid contact with my brother and sister while we assess our respective relationships with them. More than the peace was shattered that day. Our entire perspectives on who they were exploded with their tempers. We never thought them the kind of people to abuse an elderly person--let alone their own mother.
How can we respect them? How can we trust our own perceptions of people? How do we repair the family relationship? Can it be repaired? How can we learn to trust them? A gulf filled with these questions and more lays between us and them. Building a bridge must be a mutual decision and I am not ready to begin, not sure I want to build it at all.
All I can do is pray for the family and be supportive of Mom.
Gayl
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
My Hubby--Mom's Financial Advisor
Last weekend, my sister and one brother verbally beat the crap out of our mother. Despite my best efforts to stop them, the brutal scene lasted more than an hour, without regard for our mother's health. My efforts were as futile as trying to halt a tsumani with my fingers.
My sister had been Mom's financial officer. In the six days since that brutal tirade, my sister had refused to take my mother's calls, so she turned to us. Ted, a former banker, was her choice for a new CFO. Yesterday, we picked her up, went to lunch and to the bank, where she opened new accounts, Ted as joint, so he can handle her financial affairs.
After I get in my twice-weekly workout at Bally Fitness, we head to Chase Bank so he can help sort out the initial transfers of funds. He's got her mortgage to pay and other bills will begin trickling in soon. Mom has never handled her finances. She is part of the generation whose husbands always took care of the bills, balanced the checkbooks, and required total silence on the Saturdays that followed paydays.
I thank God I am part of the set that grew up with a checkbook and bill-paying duties as a teen. Although Ted and I share our finances, I do have my own checking account and I handle our stock portfolio with Scottrade. Should I become a widow for a second time (Lord may that never happen), I would be able to manage my affairs.
Gayl
My sister had been Mom's financial officer. In the six days since that brutal tirade, my sister had refused to take my mother's calls, so she turned to us. Ted, a former banker, was her choice for a new CFO. Yesterday, we picked her up, went to lunch and to the bank, where she opened new accounts, Ted as joint, so he can handle her financial affairs.
After I get in my twice-weekly workout at Bally Fitness, we head to Chase Bank so he can help sort out the initial transfers of funds. He's got her mortgage to pay and other bills will begin trickling in soon. Mom has never handled her finances. She is part of the generation whose husbands always took care of the bills, balanced the checkbooks, and required total silence on the Saturdays that followed paydays.
I thank God I am part of the set that grew up with a checkbook and bill-paying duties as a teen. Although Ted and I share our finances, I do have my own checking account and I handle our stock portfolio with Scottrade. Should I become a widow for a second time (Lord may that never happen), I would be able to manage my affairs.
Gayl
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